Reach out and annoy someone

*Ring ring*

Hello. Thank you for calling Lanius' Licentious Library.

"Hello. Um, what are your hours of operation?"

We are open from [relatively early] to [damn late].

"Alright, and what time do you open?"

*Sigh* Perhaps, sir, you shouldn't be cleaning out your ears with a meat thermometer. [relatively early]

"And you close at what time?"

But if you insist on that thermometer, you really should keep pushing until you feel that second bit of resistance give way, then give it a really good swirl. [damn late]

"Alright, and where are you located?"

Gods have mercy upon my poor, broken brain. Speaking even slower and with careful diction, I recited the address.

"What road is that off of?"

Then again. Oh please oh please would it be too much to ask for him to suffer an acute stroke or MI while he's on the phone with me? I've been a "good" boy.

"Your cross street would be what? And you're off what street?"

I'm almost positive the grinding of my teeth is entirely an artifact of my imagination. However, I do think I could hit the back wall with my impression of an annoyed horned toad. And once more unto the breach before it stuck.

I have no idea if this joker refused to turn his damned hearing aid on, couldn't be bothered to simply state he wasn't understanding the question or was as dumb as a sodium dive belt, but asking the same bloody question over and over again when the only possible answer is a discrete date set just makes me dread having you EVER set foot on the premises.

Oh who am I kidding, he'll be three states over and an hour late if he ever attempted to shop here.