Late Night Infomercials 1 - Education 0

A small group wanders in and after ambling aimlessly for about ten minutes near the door, one of them decides to seek some help.

"Do you rent movies here?"

You know, I knew that vacant, dimly bovine cast to your eye meant you were an absolute genius. Let's see if I can tell you how to find your arse with both hands. Yes indeed we do.

He hares off before I can say anything further. I give a mental shrug. He'll be back as soon as the next question forms with the fury of two wildly flailing neurons. I surmise it's like a Hadron collider between his ears only less useful.

Twenty minutes later, he's made his return to the counter.

"How long is the rental?"

I tell him.

"And what do I need to rent?"

Freya's rusty bedsprings! His brain must have been all constipated with all that deep thought dammed up behind his teeth. We need ID, credit card, and the membership fee.

Once again, he goes shooting off back to his comrades.

Investigating the sale only titles.

Why the fuck do we bother putting up signs? Guys like him will never see them. So I hop up to head off the inevitable next step when his group dutifully deposits movies that can't be checked out on my counter.

Excuse me, but you're standing in our sale only section. None of these movies can be rented.

I get back a brief round of monosyllabics associated with understanding. Then as I was turning to leave them to their deliberations, the ringleader decided he needed clarification on an ambiguous point.

"Are the 'Girls Gone Wild' ones for rent?"

Of course not you cock giblet. I just told you seconds ago that NONE of the fucking movies in this area are rentable so obviously that meant that particular series would be the exception. Stop gargling diesel fuel unless you promise to fellate a blowtorch. No. Like I said, you're in the sale only section.

The group left.

Oh how I hate that bloody series of videos. The gibbering masses moo and low incessantly to know if we have them. They don't want to actually own any of them, they just want the guilty pleasure of viewing them without being so white-trash as to actually own any. And yet, they are not even remotely worth tainting our rental catalog with.