Call of the mild

*Ring ring*

Hello. Thank you for calling Lanius' Laundromat of Licentious Livery.

"Hello. Do you have movies with just girls in them? No men?"

Yes, indeed we do.

"And do you have lesbian movies?"

What the bloody hell else would you classify a movie as featuring "hot girl-on-girl" action? Yes sir, we do have lesbian movies.

"Could I get a price quote on that one?"

One? You were asking about a genre, Sport. If you think that's the super-duper-specially-special-title-of-one-movie-in-all-of-porndom, you might want to increase the flow rate on your oxygen bottle. Those movies will generally run you between [chunk of change] to [solid sum].

"Oh. I was hoping for something more inexpensive."

Of course you were. Bless your flaccid heart, Mr. Moneybags. We also carry girl-on-girl compilations for [nominal cost], plus if you buy multiples you get a further discount per DVD.

"And those are lesbian movies?"

Now that you've mentioned it, I can't say as I ever remember seeing them socialize much at all, let alone date so I can't really say what the given orientation of a particular DVD. I tend to group them by what sort of footage they contain, but apparently that wasn't the information you really wanted. Or are you just that paranoid about accidentally seeing a penis? Yes sir, as I just said, those would be lesbian films.

"And you have them?"

No you lack-wit, they're on order for delivery six months from now. I just like telling people we already have them, because they're all so jolly about making a trip down here with money in hand to gaze in wonder at the empty space on the shelves where their movie will someday sit. Clean the bloody cottage-cheese out of your ears! You bet, they're waiting on the shelves as we speak for you to select from.

"Thank you."

You're welcome. If you can manage to drive here without the aid of a team of interpretors and negotiators to make sure everyone is aware of what everyone else is intending at intersections, I'll be amazed.

*Click*