Customers suck

And lo I was working diligently at the counter when a wild-haired man drew near and addressed me.

“I was wondering if you would be able to help me.”

Sure thing, what can I do for you?

“Where are the most popular movies?”

No problem, they’re sitting on the shelves over there between the jocks and the preppies where they can be the center of attention as well as make sotto voce catty comments about the other movies. Be careful you don’t stray too close to the nerd shelves or you’ll totally ruin your reputation. I’d guide you right to them, but I have to keep the goth and emo movies from cutting themselves and getting black hair dye on everything. What sort of “popular” are you looking for? That could cover a lot of territory.

He graces me with an indulgent smile. “Let’s see. Beautiful girls, not teens, none of that amateur crap, good movies with none of that nasty crap, you know.”

Thank you, that cleared it right up for me. Truly you have an uncanny agility with words. Alright, I guess a lot of it depends on what you consider beautiful. Off the top of my head, I’d recommend looking for the big production companies. I stand up in preparation of listing out the names but he interjects in the delusion he’s being helpful.

“Maybe something with Jenna Jameson?”

The movies we have with Jenna are right here. I lead him to the stated section. Hopefully he’ll find something he wants to buy here and leave before the urge to slap him for being an idiot grows any stronger. On the other hand, as long as his tastes run to generic blondes with bad boob jobs he’ll never want for movies that appeal to him. I am not to be so lucky. He gives the titles a cursory glance before turning to me again.

“Where are the most popular ones?”

The newest ones we have in stock are in this section. I point it out. As for what might be “most popular”, your answer depends on who you ask. I beat a hasty retreat back to the counter in the hopes he’ll solve his own issues.

A couple minutes later, he takes note of the display case showing the current showings in the arcade.

“Where would I find those?”

Right there, they’re playing in the arcade.

“Are they for sale?”

Yes.

He ducks into the arcade. Approximately ten minutes later he reappears.

“Where would I get number twenty-four?”

That movie will come to exist in about the next month or so, give or take a couple days for quantum uncertainty. Too bad I didn’t say it was actually present in the store or better yet playing in the bloody arcade. Is that the one you want?

He nods.

I retrieve the DVD from the arcade’s innards and begin to ring him up.

“Oh, I just wanted to look at it. I’m not sure if I want to buy it.”

May your testes turn necrotic and your colon impact. I hand him the box so he can peruse it.

“Is it really that expensive? I’ve never bought a porn movie before, it seems kind of expensive.”

Adult movies tend to be more expensive than other types.

“Oh, maybe I’ll come in for it next week.”

He left before the vivid images of imbedding the disk into the back of his head like a shuriken could stray into action.