Settling accounts

A very dear friend with what seems to be a morbid fascination with calling my attention to the most grotesque displays of human thought and action forwarded me the link to a certain article. To say I'm personally horrified by the thinking of the woman who authored it would be like saying cadavers stored in a sauna might be a touch rank.

At first blush, it might simply sound like a woman who feels balked in pursuit of finding lasting happiness. Looking closer, it is the foundation for a specific agenda. To whit, the ideal resolution of any given male-female relationship is marriage shortly followed by breeding. Forget shared passion, as long as he's good enough. Apparently the only criteria that need to be met are whether he wants kids and appears to have enough resources to support a family. Everything else is entirely negotiable.

"Don’t worry about passion or intense connection. Don’t nix a guy based on his annoying habit of yelling “Bravo!” in movie theaters. Overlook his halitosis or abysmal sense of aesthetics. Because if you want to have the infrastructure in place to have a family, settling is the way to go. Based on my observations, in fact, settling will probably make you happier in the long run, since many of those who marry with great expectations become more disillusioned with each passing year." - Lori Gottlieb

In support, she presents characters off of bloody TV shows!

"And while Rachel and her supposed soul mate, Ross, finally get together (for the umpteenth time) in the finale of Friends, do we feel confident that she’ll be happier with Ross than she would have been had she settled down with Barry, the orthodontist, 10 years earlier? She and Ross have passion but have never had long-term stability, and the fireworks she experiences with him but not with Barry might actually turn out to be a liability, given how many times their relationship has already gone up in flames. It’s equally questionable whether Sex and the City’s Carrie Bradshaw, who cheated on her kindhearted and generous boyfriend, Aidan, only to end up with the more exciting but self-absorbed Mr. Big, will be better off in the framework of marriage and family. (Some time after the breakup, when Carrie ran into Aidan on the street, he was carrying his infant in a Baby Björn. Can anyone imagine Mr. Big walking around with a Björn?)"

They're fucking characters designed for entertainment value, they are not viable people. In fact, they are all FATALLY FLAWED as individuals. Well adjusted people do not make for good story lines, let alone comedy. It's those delightful "quirks" that give rise to the amusing dilemmas and plots. Of course, in real life, those very same traits would destroy whatever chance they had for a lasting relationship or career. If this bitch is using them as role models no wonder she's a single parent.

Alright, I'm a guy and so I've never had the anxiety that my eggs were rapidly going stale. That's not my personal plumbing lay-out, sorry. However, I'll be damned if all I'm worth to a relationship is the total of my paycheque and my willingness to keep the brats out of the spouse's hair. Children are not the end-all and be-all of my existence and I don't have the least bit in common with those where children are. I'm looking at hopefully spending years with my sweetie, years full of mutual affection, passions, and myriad conversations. If I wanted a roommate that did a modicum of housework and have grudging sex with, I'd date sorority pledges.

This whole "anything is better than nothing" crap infuriates me. If he's a "great guy even if every time we have sex I want to throw up afterward" then he's not such a great guy is he if he still wants to have sex with you. And on that basis, I'd wonder just what sort of father he was when you weren't looking on either.

No one should have to settle. Ever. However, that presupposes that the template they are trying to fit to potential suitors are realistic. No, that does not mean finding the least objectionable slob in the immediate area and declaring that's as good as it gets. It means that there must be room for flaws in the person to exist. You can find someone that takes your breath away, who shares so much in common, and with whom the sex is fantastic, but they're going to have some jagged edges. Apparently, this bitch was a staunch subscriber to the "All-or-nothing" camp of husband hunting. If they possess any less than ideal quality, discard them and move on until you find the one with the "Mattel" logo stamped on his perfectly sculpted ass.

I'm not a semen-donating cash machine. I am not going to hang out with some rapidly withering bag in thrall of her reproductive tract. I am not expendable.