Forcing the question

Everyone has a fantasy. It's perhaps the second thing that instills itself into a concrete understanding for an adult store employee; EVERYONE nurses at least one fantasy. It may not drip elemental sex for you, hells it may not bear even a passing reflection of anything remotely coherent to you, but that doesn't matter. The only one a fantasy has to have magic for is the one who has it. We have a silent credo in this business; "Ours is not to question why, ours is to provide them stuff to buy."

As such, we encounter a wide spectrum of concepts that throw particular individuals into paroxysms of libidinous frenzy. One of the popular themes would be what I would term as "coercive sex."

There are two general flavors that seem to be preferred by each gender respectively. Women largely seem to go for the full-on rape fantasies. Men tend to go with the relatively lighter fare of pushy sex.

I could springboard into a long winded, meticulous and largely debatable explanation of why, but like most of psychology it would be just another exercise in who can sell the most baroque chain of mental wankery to another without losing the ineffable quality most dear to political leaders, clergy, scientists, and con men; plausibility. Suffice to say that human mental processes have more in common with chaos theory mathematic applications to quantum mechanics than a simple "If A, then B" array. Consequently, I will sum up in exceedingly simplistic terms. In the most abstract of generalities, I'd say the attraction of coercive sex is that of personal liberty. For men, it's an outlet for them to be cunning, to take what they want, to win on a visceral level. For women, it's an outlet to win as well, to be the irresistible need, unfettered in their response to that need, and without responsibility.

In general, the stories that men gravitate toward feature a "coquette," by which I mean some object of lust who is reluctant to have sex, but not opposed. The man must erode their resistance, to pursue the desire burning in the core of their paramour that is waiting to see if they're man enough to earn it. It may not look at first blush to be the uber-stud ravishing every pleasing form that crosses his path with an erection hard enough to dent steel, large enough to club a cape buffalo to death, and skin glistening with concentrated testosterone, however that overlooks one vital detail. For this fantasy to click, they want him, only him, even if they can't admit it. It's the distinction between having to take someone by force and choosing to. The former implies no one wants them, the latter lends the sense he'd dare to do what they both secretly want.

Women seem to select the ones where they are consumed by the other. They are wanted so badly, there is no denying that hunger. They can resist, fight, surrender, and/or enjoy it as whim takes them. While they are supremely aware of what is being done to them and the sensations of their bodies, they are able to focus on the rapist without any concern about pleasing them. They're doing all the "heavy lifting" for the woman. Often there is an element conveyed of being swept away in a flood of naked lust.

Eros Blog brought up an interesting question associated with this fantasy, that of whether this fantasy carries with it the consequence of mitigating or minimizing vileness of actual rape.

I think it does. I also think it does not.

One should be able to discern the differences between reality and fantasy. Real life carries emotional backlash, remorse, and physical consequence. In the flesh, pushing for sex when the other says no can piss them off up to and including loss of trust and retaliatory violence. In the flesh, whatever thrill might have been derived from being overwhelmed in masculine drive will be lost to acute physical discomfort and the awareness they aren't overcome with needing your body, but finding a way to demonstrate their power to hurt you. Reality is dehumanizing and violent in a bad way. Consent in a fantasy is just part of the spice; in actual practice consent makes all the difference. Thus, it does not erode the power of "no." because people are capable of making that distinction.

At the same time, people are fucking idiots who can't past the end of their next orgasm. There will always be folks who will embark on something sexually that "seemed like a good/hot idea at the time." There will always be cretins who will latch onto anything that might excuse their bad judgment or shift the blame to others. While they may eagerly seize upon rape fantasies as excuses, it's merely convenience. They would proclaim anything made them do it except themselves. As for those that would point to those who revved themselves up to real rape with materials derived from the fantasy, they seed was already in them and they would have cultivated it even without outside help.