Return of the Mumbler

He came back. He staged his return to the store in what is fast becoming a traditional manner; bundled up in his parka-like jacket and a handful of shopping bags clutched in his fist as he aims directly for the counter. A small taste of variety was introduced on this occasion by the thin nylon rain hood snugged down so tight against his slack features that I wondered if the arms of his glasses had been permanently divoted.

Simultaneously, I can detect his low voice, mumbling "I'm just going to put my bags behind the counter OK. I'm going to put my bags behind the counter so they don't get lost. I went shopping today and I've got some Yu-Gi-Oh! cards and some pop and some crackers. So I'm going to put them behind the counter."

He might have said more than that, but I was deeply involved in being too busy to do more than make non-committal noises whenever I detected an interrogative tone in his monologue. I've decided the man is intellectually trapped at the level of a five year old. So his shopping trips here are never going to get any better. Eventually he paused in his incessant yammering to focus on the video shelves. I enjoyed the quiet while I could.

Several minutes later, he's back at the counter and my fleeting hopes that he would soon be out the door suffer a ghastly demise. "I found this movie." He helpfully holds up the cover next to his head. "I saw this movie a couple weeks ago. I really like Widget* movies. But I saw [title A] in the arcade a couple weeks ago. Is it still in the arcade?"

If it was in the arcade, you'd be able to see the box in the display showing what is playing in the arcade. If he caught my flat, slightly acerbic tone, he gave no indication. However, since he'd been kind enough to provide me only a single title, I looked it up in the computer and informed him it was still in stock.

Consequently, he revved up to new stream-of-consciousness, softly vocalized questions about where he'd be able to find the movie. Embracing the virtue of efficiency, I led him to the area it was supposed to lurk, which as it happened was where he had devoted the majority of his time scanning the shelves. A bit later I located it, gave the box sharp tap so he'd see it and returned to the counter.

As I had surmised, he was only going to buy one movie at a time. It was a pleasant happenstance that he did not have both DVD cases in his hands to babble at me over the counter however. I rang him up rapidly, waiting for him to patiently decide which out of his wad of bills he was going to use for payment.

Eventually, the transaction was completed and he had his new porn in hand. Too bad his visit was not quite over yet. "I have a list at home. Maybe I can bring it next time. It's a list of movie titles. I have a list of movies I really want. Can I bring it next time? I'm going to buy [title A] when I come back in two weeks. I'm going to come back in two weeks."

I can hardly fucking wait. Gods help me if I'm on shift and the movie sells between now and then. Then I'll have to endure another lecture on what actresses he really likes, what movie lines we actually carry, possibly a multi-page list in his childish scrawl to nod over to hopefully find some title that will shut him up, and probably another reminder that we don't carry soft-core porn. (Just trust me on this one, it's better for everyone drawing a paycheque here to totally ignore that portion of our inventory.)