It was a nice dream while it lasted

You may or may not recall my foolish hope to present a duo of posts yesterday. It wasn't for lack of desire. I was primed. I was excited.

I was swamped.

The universe has a decidedly perverse sense of humor about these things. As such, not only had the toy fairy deposited a respectable volume of novelties requiring to be received and put out, but it was amateur night for would-be stand-up comics posing as consumers.

Here are a couple of the highlights.

There was the trio of men who swaggered in briskly and never spared a glance toward the counter. This is also known as behaving in a suspicious manner. So I proceeded over to where they were huddled together and asked to see their ID.

They promptly endeared themselves to me by having two members of their little posse ignoring my presence and the last responding to my questions in an utterly charming manner.

Good evening. May I see your gentlemen’s' ID tonight?

"Yes."

A pause while we exchange blinks. I need to see your ID.

"OK"

Alright, I can break it down step-by-step if it's too complex to map out by yourself. Do you have ID?

"Yes."

May I see it?

"Yes."

At this point the two guys who had been ignoring my existence up to then started digging in their pockets. One guy hands me his green card. Sure, fair enough. I've just finished handing that man's card back when "Blinky" informs me that he's been in before.

Wonderful. Glad to have you back again. Just hand me your ID and I'll let you get back to selecting some skin flicks.

Turns out he doesn't have any identification on his person. Fucker. Did you really have to lie to me? Did you think I'd give up once I started? You can't be in here without ID.

They all left.

Or there was the couple that was terminally indecisive over which toy appealed to them. I threw batteries in one only to have the guy decide it wasn't powerful enough. I assisted them through the collection of toys currently in stock, finally resulting in one that seemed to fit their stated needs. I went to help another customer and a few minutes later they bee-lined it out the door. That tends to set off a markedly hinky feeling. I performed a brief check of the toy section about where it had come from without finding it.

I caught them in the parking lot and the gentleman offered to show me where he put it back before leaving. Of course he had to make a statement implying the insult of doubting his integrity as well as laziness on my part. Yeah. Whatever you say, buddy. I should have known right away that you "put it back" for me in a completely different area of the toy section. How could I fail to immediately grasp that he'd put a vibrator in amongst the penis pumps. It was so logical. And if he couldn't find the bloody place it came from originally, how come he went straight to it without hesitation when he came back in? Ass-hat.

Retail would be so pleasant if it wasn't for the customers.