The customer is a fucking idiot
*ring ring*
Thank you for calling Lanius' Lair of Lechery.
"Um, what's your video policy?"Thinking he was referring to our video rental policy, I run through the whole rentals list for him.
"No, I need to know what your return policy is."That'll teach me to make snap assumptions over the phone. Just to be sure however, I confirm you're not calling about rentals?
"No, I bought a couple movies and they don't play right so I want to know what your return policy is."Oh goodie gum-drops of genocide! People never take this information well. He's either going to get confrontational or interpret my response in his favor. Let's see which he is. The store policy is that we don't take any returns or exchanges. If there is a functional problem with the disks you can bring them in and I'll make a determination, but I cannot say we will take them back.
"Alright, I'll probably be in sometime later tonight. You know, I've bought like thirty movies from you guys and like seven of them don't work, but I don't have the boxes anymore and I'm not trying to get anything out of you for them. It's just these couple movies."*Click*
I can hardly wait. My night wouldn't be complete without this little delight poised on my horizon as a surprise. I'm sure you feel inspired with your mention of buying so many of our videos and your seeming restraint at not bringing back all the movies you say are problems. Never mind that those movies no longer have their packaging and you know bloody well there's no way we'd take them back.
About an hour later, a guy comes through the door and stops at the counter. After greeting me, he tells me he called a bit ago about some movies? I attempt to smother my giddy glee. Moments later, he lays three DVDs on the counter. One is in a generic jewel case such as one would transport a burned CD-ROM in. The other two are in their original boxes, however, it's readily apparent that he'd pulled the sleeves and folded them up tightly into small squares. They don't look pretty, like a guy attempting to return two books purchased as new that've been extensively dog-eared. I immediately dismiss the first movie from my concern.
I ask him to tell me how the movies are not playing properly. He informs me they pixilate and seem to chug from time to time. I grab one and throw it in a player in the office. I scan through several scenes at random; witnessing nothing wrong except it looked to be recorded off of vhs source footage. I ask if there was a specific point it bogged down on him. He replied it seemed to be consistent all the way through. Alright, so I swap that disk out with the other, now firmly convinced it would reveal nothing beyond what the other did; low quality dubbing. I was right.
Face looking calmly neutral with a trace of regret, I return to the counter and place his disks back into their boxes. Unfortunately sir, the movies play fine on our machine. There is no defect of manufacture. I can't do anything for you.
"Well they don't play fine on mine. And I know it isn't my machine's fault, 'cause my player is new."Yeah, they're ALWAYS new when someone wants to return movies. I'm sorry they don't play well on your player. I still cannot take them back.
"Well, I don't want them."Neither do we, you colon-polyp! The movies play, and even if I could somehow find a way to make an exchange for you, the covers have been heavily marred.
"Yeah, I didn't want the covers you know so I took them out."Unfortunately, that also destroyed any ability on our part to resell them.
"Well, I don't want them and you're gonna give me something for them."You think so? It's cute how you think you have a leg to stand on. You're definitely not going to be leaving here happy. So be it. Hopefully, I can get this over with soon because you just got very tiresome. We aren't taking them back.
He launched again into his spiel about the multitude of movies he's purchased and his admirable restraint in only bringing back these two. I guess he either couldn't count or had already written the third off as lost.
I reiterated that the movies were his.
"I ain't paying for two movies I don't want."Too late. You already did, Sport. There's nothing to say to that denial of reality, I just stare at him.
"You're gonna give me something for them."No, I'm not.
"I wanna speak to the manager."As luck would have it, you are.
"You're gonna give me something for those movies. An exchange, a refund, something."Sorry, but no.
"Fine, call the police then. We'll see what they say. I'm not leaving until you give me something for those movies."I'm not taking them back.
"Call the police. I ain't paying for those movies."Like bloody hell am I going to call the police. They have better things to do than listen to some idiot spout off unless/until a law is broken. What does it say on the bottom of your receipt?
"Hunh?" He picks up the receipt, brows furrowing as he reads. Finally he slaps the receipt back on the counter. "I don't read receipts."That is not even remotely my problem, bub. I lean over the counter slightly, indicating a placard. What does that say?
He reads it off out loud.
I wait.
In a huff, he finally gathers up his merchandise, stuffs them in his jacket pocket and heads to the door but not before dismissively throwing his receipts on the floor.
"I came here 'cause I live close by. I ain't buying shit here anymore."Promise?
2 Comments:
He sounds awfully annoying, and he wouldn't have made your shift much fun.
pj - Yes, he was annoying. But I seem to take some warped bit of enjoyment out of witnessing stupidity in action.
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