Who are you trying to please?

So how many people are there with you when you have sex? No, I'm not talking about actual in-the-flesh participants. I am instead referring to those nameless phantoms somehow witnessing your amatory exertions. But perhaps I have so far been too coy and not spoken plainly enough. Please bear with me.

Arguably, sex is rudimentary in its simplicity. There are great many sex writers and educators that would carry on at length about how erroneous my statement is, how such opinions introduce pain and upset into people's lives, and imply I'm doing it wrong. Of course they would, these are people making their livelihood by explaining the ins and outs of sex as it were. If folks were to believe that sex was bloody simple, why would they ever think to look for help? That isn't to say these writers aren't honestly looking to improve their fellow man, but if they can make a few bucks in the process, who isn't going to be tempted to stretch out the process a little more to score another speaking fee or additional edition? Telling their potential audience that if they're happy with their sex, they're doing just fine is pretty much a direct affront to their authority, not to mention finances. Always remember they have a vested interest in keeping customers coming back to them.

That said, there are those who just aren't going to grasp the entire mechanics of sex. If they can manage to find the correct topography to get frisky with or blindly happen upon an orgasm, it's a miracle of biblical proportions. If anyone in the world needed the help, it would be these guys. Sadly, they're also the one's least able to utilize any help. Writers of sexual self-help books nurse bottles of high-proof rot-gut sobbing themselves to sleep because of these hopeless causes.

The vast majority of people fall, however, into the broad category of understanding sex, enjoying it, but encountering some less than fabulous moments. Anyone who is familiar with the "pleasure principle" will immediately ken that folks prefer to keep the less satisfying encounters to a minimum if not completely avoided. Unto this breach is poured an endless stream of advice, anecdote, and products all aimed to achieve that end. It has become common for people to crave the "bigger, better bang." The ass is always sweeter, the orgasms are always more intense, the skills are always more masterful... somewhere.

Which means everyone is highly attuned to the aim of maximizing their fucks.

Which also means that everyone is fucking to meet the requirements of a committee. How many issues of Cosmo are coloring the collective standards of sex? How many people with otherwise satisfying sex lives feel somewhat diminished because they aren't hitting the benchmarks that other people tell them they should be meeting?

So what if a particular woman does not find g spot stimulation to be especially hot? Does it mean she is somehow broken or her lover needs to be clapped in irons and beaten with nettles for failing her? So what if a given man does not care to have anything inserted into his anus? Does it mean he's homophobic? Has he somehow missed out on the earth-shattering bliss that is prostate stimulation?

And yet, I continually encounter people who feel they are lacking as a person because they aren't into and/or able to enjoy those things that the media is selling as the hottest technique or experience.

Whose standards are you killing yourself to meet? Your own? Your lover? Your buddies? Your partner's friends? Violet Blue's? Some skin magazine's? Just who the fuck are you letting look over your shoulder and tell you how it should be done?

By all means, if you want to try new things go for it. If you want to become a better lover, Godspeed and good luck. Just be aware of why and where your motivations are coming from.