Can't we just shoot them?

Someone forwarded me yet another story of a 24/7 master-slave relationship gone horribly wrong. The ill-fated Andrew Kobak, 36, decided to entangle himself in such a dynamic with one Alyssandra Cardillo aged 19.

This could very easily escaped being a sensational story, except Kobak apparently had to link a bdsm lifestyle with running a suburban brothel. Nothing is going to catch the public attention quite as sensationally as a teenage sex-slave-hooker recounting her life with a pasty, heavy-set putz sporting a hairstyle like Frankenstein's toupee. Even better for the story was the discovery of a multi-page slave contract.

He's now an object of ridicule, which he frankly should be due to being a bloody idiot, and those that practice a bdsm lifestyle feel collective disappointment and shame that once more their kink is going to be linked with criminal acts and sensationalism. This twerp couldn't have planned it better to distract the populace. Forget the boring prostitution charges, we want to hear all the juicy details of his porn shooting and slave contract.

This is not the first time I have run across or been sent a story with a similar feel. Unless humanity is exterminated utterly, I expect I shall encounter more of them. So what the bloody hell keeps happening that these stories keep appearing?

It's quite simple really. People aren't content to let their fantasy not become their everyday reality. Wow, these Gor novels are great, I simply must live my life like that. I'll find some attractive people that think it's just as keen an idea and I'll brand them with my name so they're forever mine. Oh, crap. They don't like me anymore, I must make them stay. I own them. I branded them! I have a contract!

So when the soap bubble breaks, these wise and worldly types are suddenly blinking in the face of such bewildering charges as torture, unlawful imprisonment, and sexual abuse. But wait, it was all in good fun, see? Except no one else is laughing in a nice way.

It's not a complex concept to grasp.

If the idea of a live-in dominant-submissive relationship makes your nether bits flutter in delight, do your bloody homework. Find out if your fantasy resembles what is achievable in reality. If so, congratulations, knock yourselves out and be happy. If not, suck it up and deal. Denial and forcing the issue are only going to cause you grief.

Understand it can all go horribly, monstrously wrong. It can run the gamut from death and crippling to legal and social issues. Weigh your risks and decide if it's worth it. If the dice come up "snake-eyes", don't whine about how unfair it all is. If you're cooking meth or running a brothel in addition, you're all but screaming to the universe to hit you with the biggest hammer it can find.

And lastly, the one that so many of these lack-wits seem to overlook, pick suitable people. The guy with the history of mental problems is probably not your best choice as someone to be in complete control of your life. The woman with untreated addictions is probably not the most credible or dependable sort. If they're engaging in criminal activities you're probably going to be implicated if they get caught regardless of actual guilt.

The triad of the kinky community is Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Just because consent gets a lot of press time and emphasis, it does not mean the first two are just to look pretty.