Tact is not for affixing paper to corkboard
There are ways to start my day...
... and ways to start in on my day.
For instance, the milk of my human kindness curdled slightly when seconds after opening the store for the day's business, a man poked his head in the door and inquired with all sincerity, "Are you open?"
No, you in-bred by-blow of a crackhouse, I just unlocked the door, turned on the lights, and lit the open signs for the ambience. Christ on a crutch! You literally stuck your head in the store to vomit your stupidity! How many bloody closed shops do you run across where the door's unlocked?!
As if that little slice of anaerobic decomposition of the cephalic region wasn't savory enough, perhaps an hour later saw me graced with a phone call asking if we were open.
Let me see. Today would not be any sort of holiday. The call was placed within what is commonly considered to be business hours. The phone was answered promptly with a professional salutation. I suppose it could be a distantly remote possibility that you could randomly call on a day where the store would be shut down for the day, but Buddha's bald blubber that's a long shot. I can only hope the caller had the manners to feel ashamed for voicing such an insipid question. I doubt it. I'm sure he was patting himself on the back for such apt verification of his hypothesis. Too bad it's too much to hope he will later throw himself onto his sword or maybe just a large pair of scissors for the shame of being dim.
Another call came in. This hardy soul upon hearing my work greeting seemed confused. "You have videos?" Yes. We do. "You have... videos?" Then he hangs up.
What the fuck?!
The whipped cream, cherry, and nuts of the chain of events came about when a customer grinned at me conspiratorially over the counter and announced that he found it amazing the store remained in business as well as other statements along that vein.
Excuse me? Do you find it challenging to keep a civil tongue in your skull? Just because you happen to visit during a slow point in the day, it does not grant you rein to cast broad aspersions. I care not a whit how charming you think you are or how entertaining your mother found you between spikes of smack, when your continued presence is at my sufferance, it is not in your best interests to insult and slander your gracious host.
Heavens deliver me from the addled.
posted by Lanius at 12:37 PM
7 Comments:
wait.... so you DO have videos?
:)
(don't hate me... just being the regular smartass)
Poor, Lanius. Try not to cause them all bodily harm at once.
DC - Smart-assery is par for the course in my life. I even appreciate it. Not that you're going to escape retaliation mind you, but it's for a good cause.
Chris - Yeah, that's always the peril here; target overload. I'll just have to pace myself.
Hahahahahahah! I revel in your pain, you make my day! But seriously, I hate obvious questions - like when I am doing laundry my house mate says, "doing laundry, eh?" no shit, shirlock, you have the gift of stating the obvious. How does one respond to just inaneness?
In all fairness to the first man, he may have been checking whether you were actually ready to deal with customers and not still getting all the prep and paperwork done before starting shift. Personally, I hate when people see someone walk in, put down their coat and immediately start nagging them about something. Half the time, the poor clerk isn't even on the clock yet.
Blue - My preferred method of dealing with obvious questions is either overwhelming sarcasm or answer in a manner that rubs their nose in how stupid it was.
Lyse - For your hypothesis to have merit, the man in question would have to demonstrate cognitive function. Being as he's been in before and I've had to explain to him how to use the arcade after he's spent some time using it, as well as perpetrating numerous of the most insipid questions of all time, no I must disagree. I think the lit open signs and unlocked doors were beyond his ability to comprehend.
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