Monday, June 11, 2007

Fun with phones continues

*ring ring*

Good morning. Thank you for calling Lanius' Lair of Lechery.

A woman's voice greets me. "Hello."

How droll. Is this some sort of minimalist concept of telephone conversation or did your brain creak to a stop after such a prodigious expenditure of elocution? Hi, you've reached Lanius' Lair of Lechery.

"Do you speak Spanish?"

No, I do not.

"Does anyone there speak Spanish?"

Unfortunately, no one here speaks Spanish. At this point I should state that this woman has no trace of accent nor does she evince any unease with rephrasing her original question to expand her potential pool of Spanish speakers. There is nothing to lead me to believe her to not be fully fluent in English.

"Is this a clinic?"

Poseidon's pungent boat shoes, have you ever considered listening to the damned words that issue forth from your earpiece when someone answers your telephone call instead of smiling moronically at the sound of human vocal tones?! Bloody hell. I know I identified the store clearly and obviously both times. Oh well, that's what happens when there's nothing betwixt the ears to capture potentially valuable noises such as, oh say, the name of the business you might call. No, this is a porn store. May I help you? We're running a special on enema supplies today, buy two hoses and we'll toss in some KY jelly. Would you like the regular or high-volume nozzles today?

"Oh."

*Click*

Stupid bitch.

3 Comments:

Blogger DCchick said...

haha... come on.. do you really say that stuff to people?

Or do you just think it?

7:39 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

The idiocy never ceases.

6:13 PM  
Blogger Lanius said...

DC - If you are asking about the last bit in red text, yes, I actually said that. The woman deserved to be scandalized.

Chris - If we could find a way to harvest idiocy, any related industry would never want for resources again.

6:42 PM  

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