Some cracks extend far below the surface

On occasion, a female customer will draw near the counter and ask me what she could do to improve the sex in her own relationship or that of a friend too timorous to ask me herself.

Such a simple question carries profound and hidden depths. She could be looking into expanding her sexual horizons through dabbling in light bondage, perhaps a blindfold or even trying her hand with a strap-on, in which case, it is only a matter of presenting her with options until her eyes take on the slightly dilated gleam of hungry anticipation. This tends to be a pleasant and rewarding investment of my time and attention.

However, she could also be seeking to purchase an easy remedy for issues that permeate the very foundation of her relationship. That path is mire that will drag down the unwary and evoke sharp pain to no purpose. Rarely do they give much clue as to which end of the spectrum they rest before we are engaged in the dance of my discerning the details I require to assist while she maneuvers to keep as much of her private life private as possible. The insidious trap is that often the more integral the flaw is to her relationship, the more determined she is to find something she can buy to make it all go away. Consequently, she's going to resist my disengaging from her issue, commonly utilizing the tactic of seeking my opinion or reasons. This boys and girls is what we call a no-win scenario. The mire has us within its grip.

Should I attempt the bland and featureless declaration that we do not possess anything to address her needs, she will invariably assume that another store might and that I have probably been exceedingly unhelpful and she will leave the store in a state of dissatisfaction and irritation. The loss of a potential sale is not even remotely a concern at this point; to have reached this juncture, she will have revealed too much about her intimate life to not suffer a sense of violation and betrayal that it has yielded nothing.

Should I hazard to provide her with elaboration upon why I am unable to sell or recommend anything to improve her relationship, I will have grossly overstepped my bounds. Regardless of how sincerely and rational she may seem in inviting me to delineate further on my conclusion, I am ultimately a stranger. Further, I am a stranger telling her things she does not want to believe. Nothing I say will carry any weight. Obviously, there are mitigating factors I am not aware of, so I must be mistaken. Once I have been relegated to the role of Sibyl I am no longer relevant to her. She may continue to present me with ever increasing reasons for me to be incorrect in my assessment, but all this will really achieve is to build her aggravation and polish her defensive arguments because she is no longer listening. Now I have not only gotten her to a state of feeling emotionally vulnerable without providing her with some bauble, but I've compounded my sin by saying she's mistaken in the direction of her search for answers if not actually presuming to attack her precious and sacred relationship. She will carry her grudge out of the store and spread it amongst her friends and relatives. Granted, they'll never know the precise reason she's determined I'm a craven, despicable wretch, but the full heat will be conveyed and we take it on faith that those near to us have sound reasons for their conclusions.

So why don't I just lie through my teeth to her and make a sale if she's such a lost cause? Personal integrity mostly. Odds are good that she'd pin her hopes on what I sold her and merrily skip off to crushing disappointment. Then she'd come back and be justified in branding me a grasping, blackguard of a merchant. It would also be contributing willingly into the destructive cycle she's locked herself into. It's not a direction I'm inclined to follow.

So how about an example of an unsolvable problem. A woman approaches me and informs me innocuously that she's looking for something to improve the sex with her husband. In the course of delicately probing just where their preferences lay and perhaps a hint as to what direction the breakdown seems to be with them in bed, I discover that her sex life with him has always been sub-par though they've been together for a couple years and tried several things. Without much optimism, further discourse leads me to discover that she had previously hoped that marriage and later having a child would correct her dissatisfaction with her sexlife, to no avail. It's her hope that I will have something they've heretofore overlooked. I do, but it's not something she'll listen to. There is no toy, no book, no lubricant or position that is going to correct that issue. Despite however wonderful he might be otherwise, he does not match up in bed. Her options are to accept it or reject it. From the first, there's no question that she subscribes to the opinion that if she believes/looks/works hard enough that a third option will magically appear that gives her everything she wants. She will accept no other answer. All that is left to me is to pick the extent of her displeasure.