Don't call us, we'll call you.

As the season continues to wax into the bright and warm grip of late spring toward the searing oven that is summer, many people are thinking about where they would like to draw their next paycheque. Subsequently, I am met with increasing numbers of people interested in the exciting world of porn peddling.

I'm not one to needlessly squash anyone's enthusiasm to hawk masturbatory accessories, after all, every now and again someone will apply we might consider appropriate without first imbibing copious volumes of hard liquor and psychotropics. The majority are not people I'd ever want to encounter selling pencils, let alone condoms or lube.

I can respect folks who walk up to the counter and inquire whether we might be hiring or if they can fill out an application. I like it even better when they submit a resume for my appraisal.

At the same time, I do not appreciate the increasing influx of morons who somehow think it appropriate to simply call to ask if we're hiring. The only two exceptions I can think of would be if they were out of the area and attempting to plan their time seeking employment and housing or a simple question if we prefer people to provide resumes or fill out an application. Beyond that, it's instant career death.

To phrase it baldly, I could be terminally understaffed and desperate to bring more souls onto the payroll and I would tell every idiot who called to ask if we were hiring that we were fully covered.

When someone can't even be bothered to walk in the door in pursuit of a job, it conveys to me that they do not find working to be a high priority. If I hire someone, I need to be able to trust them to meet their responsibilities. With the caller, my first impression is that they'll do the least amount of work they can get away with and probably flake on their shifts whenever they feel like it.

A phone call also deprives them of seeing what and where they are applying for. They have absolutely no context. They have no idea how this store is run and no way of judging. At the same time, I have no means to assess how comfortable they are in such environs, nor can I ascertain much in how they comport themselves in the flesh. My time is too valuable to waste on such long odds.

It pisses me off how increasingly people seem to have an attitude of entitlement in regards of a job. As if I should get down on my knees and praise the heavens because they have made the least gesture that they might deign to work here.

In the salty parlance of my youth, "Fuck you, you fucking fuck!" I don't owe you a bloody thing. IF you meet the qualifications, THEN you get to hear the terms. If I'm inclined, some terms might be negotiated, but it's pretty much a binary solution set. I prefer the process to move in less stark perspective, but it's amazing how many choose to make it otherwise.

Gnats are less annoying to my ears than even one voice over the telephone saying, "So, um, are you guys hiring?"