Expanding on expectations

In reply to my past a night past, Chris wrote,

"When you find the answer to why men are dicks by default, let me know."

Rather than crank out a reply to her comment, I think it would serve better as an entry.

The key component of her statement is the assumption that "men are dicks by default" is true. I challenge that assumption to a greater extent. I cannot in good conscience say the premise is entirely false since the default setting, "right out of the box," for humans is that of selfish parasites utterly concerned with nothing beyond their own immediate needs and comfort.

Parenting and socialization serve to knock the rough edges away and in theory, allow them to interact with the world on a greater scope. An understanding and identity within something greater than themselves is developed. Thus, thoughts and actions gain complexity.

In this instance, it means that men are NOT dicks by default. It is not a binary solution set such as, IF blood vessel is transected THEN hemorrhaging occurs. For any impulse that arises in the mind, there are a variety of responses covering the entire range of capability. Which means that if a guy is acting in a churlish or sophomoric manner, he's choosing that manner as best befitting the situation.

What vexes me to an unholy degree is how often men are allowed to comport themselves as barbarous cretins without social sanction. Men have been and continue to be taught that personal manners are optional. You know that these guys are not entirely without gorm, place them in a formal affair and miraculously their mien improves. For that, they'll dust off their "fancy special occasion" mental rules.

But in every day, mundane existence, who cares if they just voided their bladder on someone's beagle? That's just damned funny. They can address someone as familiarly or dismissively as they feel like. They can use harsh verbal tones, laugh coarsely, grope women, pass gas, pout, sulk, and orchestrate a jealous rage to make Othello weep. And it's all dismissed as being a guy.

Sure, it may annoy people to distraction, but ultimately, they don't enforce consequences. Girlfriends or wives will forgive them or make excuses on their behalf. Friends rarely distance themselves. Co-workers rarely invoke professional sanctions unless the male in question strays into sexual harassment or discrimination territory.

In short, if a guy is acting like a dick, it's because people are cutting him the slack. Unless and until society as a whole stops accepting the standards of behavior from men to start at the level of mastering not soiling themselves and no longer requiring a sippy cup, guys are not going to conduct themselves any better. It's human nature to meet the minimum expected unless there's enough of a reward for them to exert themselves further.