Has this ever happened to you?

Every now and again, I find myself in the most surreal moments outside of work. Not too long past, I attended the wedding of two good friends. I was in the midst of several generations of their respective families and everyone was milling about and making polite conversation as if making a last second assessment of the other's familial stock, although it is by far too late to do anything other than adapt to the change. I thought myself fortunate, for I was only a friend and thus safe from more than passing interest. And then I hear an older woman's voice inquiring about whether I still worked at a porn store. Avenging Alpacas of Armageddon! There is nothing like being baldly outed by an eighty year old. Thus began a brief but surprisingly popular conversation across a long table about the general state of adult stores in my city and current trends in the business.

Apparently, before my friends embarked upon their honeymoon, the bride's mother uttered to her, "I would give you a bit of marital night advice, but I think Lanius could tell you more about that than I ever could."

See, I'm even great for social gatherings.