Call of the Riled

Taking phone calls here is usually rather mundane. People will call to check our hours of operation. Other folks want assistance finding our location. In some cases, I will find myself having to pull together detailed turn-by-turn directions on the fly because someone couldn't be bothered to look it up before hitting the road.

Of course, there are also the routine calls by those who want to sell us their used movies or have me do their shopping for them. Negative answers to both, by the way.
And that brings us, ladies and gentlemen, to the last major variety of calls that percolate through the phone lines to the store; prank calls.

It shouldn't be surprising in the least that we get them. If something is sexual in nature, it's going to bother or embarrass someone. If it bothers and/or embarrasses someone, it's going to be mocked or otherwise attacked. Human nature is so wonderful. And so, wariness of prank calls is never far from mind when the phone rings.

The part that vexes me greatest is not the caller's lack of mature coping skills for their own inabilities, but the atrociously uninspired methods they choose. Ninety-nine percent of them, if not more, will adhere to a tedious format.

1. Inquire whether we have movies.
2. Inquire as to what types we have either by asking flat-out what the "most freaky" vids we have or starting to rattle off perceived outrageous sexual variations.
3. When deflected because no specific information is forthcoming, inquire about toys.
4. Inquire about a specific type of novelty.
5. Request detailed description of said novelty.
6. Repeat #4 and #5 until boredom sets in.

I tend to extend the benefit of the doubt until point five is reached. I have yet to hear any legitimate reason for that sort of question. Of course, the whole process is expedited for me with the overhearing of giggles in the background.

I almost prefer the cranks that call in to lambaste the store's industry. At least they spend some time developing a speech.