Monday, December 04, 2006

And where the frothy fuck have you been shopping?

Once again, it should be readily apparent that yet another strange customer interaction flowed past my counter a few days ago.

As it happens, my store has a stock of DVD movies for a significantly low price. Most of them are nothing to write home about, being compilations thrown together under a general heading. We don't rent those puppies. They come to us sealed and barring misfortune (a.k.a. a customer who can't keep from tearing into the wrapping) we like to keep them as such.

It was with a stack of such movies that I had a customer want me to open his selections prior to purchase. Was he looking for possible damage sustained during shipment? Was he checking for some manufacturing defect? Nay. He wanted to "make sure they'd fit his machine."

I beg your pardon? Where the bloody hell have you been buying your porn, some third world factory seconds bin?! CD-ROMs and DVDs are about as standardized as you can get. The physical dimensions are not going to vary. If you have a DVD player, the disc is going to fit, period. Ostensibly, he might have been concerned about accidentally buying the precursor of the DVD. However, getting ahold of a laserdisc in this day and age would require effort on par with Hercules' labors. Even if by some infernal stroke of luck you were able to pick up a brand-new laserdisc porn movie, there is no way to mistake the format in comparison to the DVDs filling the shelves. So what the fuck?!

I was nonplussed, but I opened the cases for him. In the back of my mind, I was fully expecting him to just spout forth any number of excuses why he was no longer interested in purchasing those particular movies leaving me with product that has to be repackaged, perhaps for him to attempt two or three encore performances of the same.

The retail gods were smiling upon me that day however. My indulgence of daft whim must have pleased them. He bought them all without further comment.

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