Close shave.
“Hey baby, why don’t we make our own dildo?”
It sounds exciting. It fills the brain with images of winsome women in lab coats, porn flickering on the TV in the background, and double-entendres in almost every word uttered. Perhaps even a bit of fluffing to make sure the model is in peak condition.
Then again, my imagination doesn’t so much run away with me as it drives up in a dark van, throws a hood over my head, and deposits me in some mental oubliette. I’m just happy when it doesn’t execute the hostages as a sign of purpose.
Anyway, unlike many products I sell, the do-it-yourself dildo kits almost demand you to throw a party, or at least a special occasion. Where’s the fun if you can’t make a big production out of immortalizing some guy’s one-eyed wonder worm? Hell, once the rubber cures, that doppelganger will probably get more action than the guy it was cast from. Well at least you know they meant it when they said you had a nice cock.
Of course, I still get to field some complaints. The cost, as in most things, tops the list of their outrage. Yeah, yeah, it ain’t cheap. Bored now.
The runner-up though, that complaint is just priceless. You would think that when the whole concept revolves around submerging the equipment into a gel that will congeal into an exact mold that someone would think about how the presence of short, curly hairs might affect the experience. Nope. I am honestly amazed at how often variations of this particular horror story are related given the average man’s phobia of genital trauma. I suppose the chance of getting kicked in the yarbles trips a different self-preservation drive than immersing the schwanse in warm goo.
So just a word of advice, if you’re going to DIY a dong, the possessor of the penis needs to get REALLY cozy with a razor. Don’t forget the peritoneum or they may gain insight into the world of episiotomy. Can't say it wouldn't provide entertainment for the rest of the people involved though.
Careful serving chips and dip or pudding at the party too.
posted by Lanius at 12:50 PM
5 Comments:
Another point is to make sure you are VERY clean, and VERY dry, and then apply a suitable lubricating agent (yes, over hair too, genius- what, you don't think anything can stick to your hair?) to enable "slipping out easily." The special effects industry has been dealing with casting humans for many a year now, without habitually stripping out eyelashes and eyebrows.
True, you *can* cast over hair however, depending on what lubricating agent you use, it could react with the molding materials.
Besides, if you keep the hair on, it will create a very funky surface. Not only will it give the impression you have mutant balls, but it's probable it will leave nifty nooks and crannies for dirt and bacteria to collect. There's a reason the vast majority of dildos are sans hair.
Ok, my husband and I did this. Very touchy process I must say. Not the timing and logistics. Those were ok since I was there to assist, but the anger and general spazz attack that came about when he couldn't get to his maximum size during the crucial moment (to be ever imortalized in dildo form) was remarkable.
he totally freaked and demanded that I "do something" to make him harder. this is as explicit as it has ever gotten. I did my best porn star routine that I'm told would melt the coldest hearts and harded the softest cocks, but he was just angry and threw the aparatus on the floor. Angry little boys do not get me hot so this was a tough night. Luckily the kit allowed a second try and a viagra later, we were in business.
I'm impressed by the mold we took. It's a very impressive size and I think it might actually be too big for my comfort. But I'm enthusiastic and glad the whole project did not end in either of us feeling humiliation.
I definitely recomend this project, but caution that egos should be cushioned with padding before beginning.
I need to add that my husband went from total humilliation and hatred of me and all women on earth who made him feel too small for the dildo kit, to insane arrogance after he actually managed to fill the whole thing. I was supportive all the way, but not ready for the melt down during the first half. I just want to re-iterate to women that they should be prepared in that regard. Never mind the stray hairs that may cause "bubbles". The biggest concern is your man's ego.
If the man's ego is so fragile as to suffer a melt-down or otherwise become a raging twit to those around him, this is not the project for him. He should get over himself, it's not for him but for a lover who likes his bits enough to want another. If that isn't good enough for him, he probably needs to take his love life solo. Anything else is just unfair to his partner.
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