Big dick? Big deal.

Day after day, year after year, I am exposed to men looking for a bigger erection. Guys who have been sold on the idea that the larger the penis they possess, the better and more fulfilling their sex life will be. I can’t say the concept hasn’t been drenched upon them with all the subtlety of a ruptured colostomy bag almost from the moment of sexual awareness because the mantra is out there. You only have to watch one Enzyte commercial to catch the message; happiness is a huge wang.

The industry loves it. How many male adult actors are known for anything other than being well hung first and foremost? Do a quick search and you’ll rapidly be deluged in movie after movie touting “monstrously massive meat-sticks” being variously applied to “petite” or otherwise diminutive women and/or “tight” orifices. Within five minutes of reading “flavor text”, you have a mental image of sex reminiscent of campfire marshmallow being violated with a kielbasa. How long before people start having nightmares of squealing condom-girls; some ungodly amalgam of warm flesh possessed of tits and flailing limbs stretched into an almost translucent membrane around turgid man-flesh?!

Alright, so I’m taking it to a disturbing extreme. However, that does not mean that many men don’t want an erection sufficient to club a cape buffalo to death. I should know, I sell enough “enhancement” products to make the most modestly equipped guy swell to put the Eiffel tower to shame if the attached literature is to be believed. It’s got to have some effect with the number of repeat customers I have for those products.

Be that as it may, the premise persists to be pure, unmitigated bull-shit of unparalleled fragrance. A dick of epic proportions is not a golden ticket to Willy Wanker’s sex factory.

For every self-proclaimed “size queen” running amuck in the bloody world, there are at least a dozen people who want nothing to do with it. Even at that, I’ve been witness to enough of the former complaining about aches, pains, and traumas intrinsic to being fucked with a huge cock to find their assertions of being size queens pretty much boils down to some sort of perceived social status. By way of explanation, these complaints are not expressed as side effects of toe-curling sexual escapades. Instead, I have heard a woman, within seconds of claiming that anything under eight inches in length is “too modest” for her bother, explaining how she hates having her uterus jostled with deep thrusts. Excuse me? If you don’t find the head of a cock ricocheting off your cervix enjoyable, why the bloody blue hells do you choose to ride men who’d damn near have to be paralyzed to not hit bottom with each thrust?! Why bother working with more than you’re going to use? I have heard women ostensibly in screaming lust of massive endowment relating how they “endure” or “tolerate” it penetrating their body in whatever configuration. I could perhaps understand that within a bdsm scene, but suffering through a shag seems contraindicated for good sex.

In addition, there are some other down-sides to being hung like a horse.

Do you like oral sex? If you’re packing a substantial shaft, the chances of getting blown go way down. The idea that there are slavering legions of lovers eager to choke and gag on a shaft is largely a myth. Unless they’re really prepared for it, deep throating or even having the head hit the back of the throat is painful and irritates the tissues. Then there is the energy factor. The more real estate they have to cover with lips, tongue, and hands, the more they have to work. You may have laughed at Tommy “inch-worm” Hicks in the locker room, but because his lover can hold his equipment comfortably orally, chances are excellent he’s getting blown more than a sand dune in the Sahara. Unless you find a relatively rare person how really relishes a large penis, you’d better be happy getting a lick and suck in passing. Nothing will kill your night of sexual escapades quite the same way as when your lover suffers a jaw cramp heretofore reserved for arduous oral surgery.

Do you enjoy anal sex? There aren’t that many people eager and willing to be buggered with the “Hindenburg of Love”. Granted, that is more a function of girth as opposed to length. The larger the diameter, the greater the chance of inflicting pain if not damage. That doesn't mean you wouldn't get turned down for being "too long" anyway however. In the event you do have someone willing to “take one for the team,” you’re looking at substantial prep time. Unless of course, they’ve always wanted to know what it would be like to sling-shot their rectum out of their body cavity.

That is assuming however that you have someone willing to tackle a significant endowment. I know many people, women and gay men alike, who have no intention of ever letting a cock beyond a certain size ever entering them. For some, it’s bloody intimidating. You want to put that where?! For others, they don’t want to be “stretched out”. They like their perceived snug fit and have no intention of doing anything in their opinion to endanger that quality. And still others just find that beyond a certain size, sex is painful and not fun.

Better hope your lovers (or yourself) are never allergic to latex. Comparatively few condoms are made in a larger size. Far as I know, those that are made for the “big and tall” subset of cocks are entirely done in latex. Forget about festive colors or flavors. Forget about frills such as ribs or “cool tingling” lube unless you add it yourself. Like the woman with breasts bigger than your head, your support items are strictly utilitarian.

Let’s not even get into the whole social peer group influence. The point is folks, there’s a price to everything. No one has the whole sexual congress thing sewn up. Be happy with what you got and find those people who appreciate what you have to offer.

If you can’t do that, I suppose I will continue to happily take your money in your pursuit to find a quick easy alternative to self acceptance.