Some things should not be over-shared.

There was a discussion on Kiss & Blog the other day sparked by asking how one should react if a lover asked whether a toy was clean while they attempted to bring said toy into play.

Though I commented when I wrote it, it occurred to me today that I had not addressed the subject of toy hygiene before. How silly of me since this is a great forum for it.

First off, sex is fun if done right. (If you don't like sex or are otherwise asexual, it isn't right for you, therefore it's not going to be fun. Now pipe down. Why the hell are you here anyway?!) As with things that are fun, getting friends involved usually leads to even more fun. Nice as it can be to fly solo; sex tends to be a team pursuit. That being said, everyone has their favorite variations and permutations which makes it even more fun for them. Ideally, this works for everyone involved. If not, reread the first sentence of this paragraph. Many folks find the addition of toys into their sexual repertoire to be enriching. Subsequently, someone will eventually want to introduce their lover to a sexual novelty that they think would be peachy keen.

However, this brings up another thing about sex; it's messy. I don't care how you do it, there's going to be fluids. This is mostly a good thing. Don't believe me? Try to rub one out real fast with the inside of a neoprene dry suit. It's not so good in terms of disease vectors. (Let's just skip over the whole well-known reproductive aspect. If you cannot comprehend the results of introducing motile spermatozoa to a mature ovum, you need to keep it a solo act. No, you don't deserve gay sex either if you're that dumb.) Therefore, there are some general rules to keep in mind regarding toys in your sexual life.

Whoever the toy is used on is the owner of the toy. There are greater or lesser degrees, but it's a good rule of thumb. Bodily fluids are the defining factor. I know people who regardless of the toy, if they get messy enough using it is for that person only thereafter. Easier to do that than worry about cleaning it sufficiently.

Not all toys are created equal. There are toys out there that can be sterilized. There are toys out there that can't. Some are easier to clean than others. If in doubt, consider your toy to be one that cannot be sterilized. Better to be safe than have a lover cursing your name because it burns when they pee.

Materials that generally can be kept clean:

• Glass
• Surgical stainless steel
• Silicone

Materials that are marginal:

• Plastic
• Acrylic
• Hard rubber
• Vinyl, PVC

Materials that CANNOT be kept clean:

• Soft rubber
• Jelly, Jell-E, Gellee, etc.
• CyberSkin, NuSkin, etc.
• Leather
• Wood
• Bamboo
• Rope

The first group is both non-porous and quite durable, glass and steel especially. You can use a wide variety of disinfectants, boil, soak in a mild bleach solution, or (with the exception of silicone) autoclave them.

Marginal materials either possess small pores that can collect dirt and microbes or are easily scored or cracked. Hard rubber dildos can go through a dishwasher on the top rack, but they will degrade. Some disinfectants may react.

Everything in the third list is highly porous and difficult to clean without damaging to the extent that to be sure it's safe to use with another person you've destroyed the item. If it's on this list, it's a "one person" toy. I know there are people out there who will argue with the inclusion of the last four items in the non-sterilizable list, but those who have legitimate claims are people who have spent a considerable amount of time researching their toys. These people are freaks possessing esoteric knowledge far surpassing that of most of their fellow man as far as you're concerned.

Another concept to keep in mind is to try and maintain a barrier between the toy and the person. Throw an unlubricated condom over the pocket rocket or mini vibe and tie it off. You can still operate the controls and it keeps the toy clean. Throw another unlubricated condom over a dildo or vibrator and you've not only cut down on the cleaning time, but also reduced wear-and-tear.

You need to remember toys are personal. You're sharing sexuality with another person. You aren't lending a hedge-trimmer or hammer to a neighbor. If you're that casual about lending sex toys to other people, chances are you're going to miss an aspect of hygiene and someone is going to reap the consequences in an unpleasant way.

In all honesty, if you are serious about introducing a new toy into your sexual play, buy it new. Not only do you have the advantage of being able to just take it home, give it a quick wipe to banish the packing residue, and get down to the squeals, but if you shop together, you'll get something that appeals to you both. Many people bond to individual toys, associating it with a specific person and relationship. Buying new toys can help bring you together.

Furthermore, a lot of people will be seriously squicked out by the concept of having a favorite toy of another lover (past or present) used with them. It carries the same emotional unease that reusing a condom would. Restocking your toy box after a break-up may sting the pocket-book, but is better in the long run. No one is going to be upset because you trashed the favorite butt-plug of your last relationship.