Sexual bias in blogging.

There's a bit of a discussion going on between Susie Bright and Bacchus of Eros Blog regarding the gender disparity amongst sex bloggers. Namely why men are so rare on the landscape. I'm not really sure if I technically qualify as a sex blogger, since the bulk of what I have to write about is pretty mundane other than being set in the context of employment at an adult store, but I'll call it close enough.

I do write under a nom de plume. Why I do so is somewhat complex. When I first considered starting this blog, the concept of being the face-less "everyman" behind a porn store counter was very intriguing. It allowed me to get into a little more detail and be more honest in my opinions and observations since taking a bit of care in removing or doctoring identifying details reduces the chances of something unpleasant coming back at my store. First and foremost, I have to protect my source of income. The totally impregnable false identity was a lovely pipe-dream, but ultimately untenable. Anyone that knows me well has a good chance of recognizing my literary voice. So with those people my anonymity is largely illusion and pretense.

So in my own case, even manipulating the details to a high degree, the odds are excellent that some readers will recognize who I am talking about should I relate something of my sexual life. I've not said too much on that topic to date, but I have said some. I will probably relate more in the future. It is just not something I choose to do lightly and without considering the consequences for the others who had been involved. It doesn't seem very ethical for me to do otherwise. Besides, most of my intended focus is on the trials and tribulations of my job and the industry in general. Personal anecdotes may be entertaining, but they're no less tangential.

I don't feel any appreciable apprehension about talking about sex in lavishly personal terms. Whether this is a symptom of my psyche that causes me to diverge wildly from the male population at large or just a consequence of the people I associate with I have no idea. I know who I am and for the most part, I'm happy with what I see. I'm not especially concerned what the rest of the world has to say about me. So I find Susie's implications that many men don't write due to peer pressure to be a bit spurious.

On a broader, non-specific scope, I think the disparity is a lot more basic than anyone really wants to get into. I think it has more to do with habit. I've known a lot more women who've kept diaries and journals throughout their lives than I have men. Of those men who have, most have had a focus on recording the facts of an occasion rather than the flavor of a moment. It's the difference between writing a news report and an opinion piece.

Literature targeted at male readers tends to focus on an active plot progression to carry the tale. "What happens next?" The characters are outwardly motivated and have to struggle against other characters, the environment, or both to succeed. Literature targeted at female readers tends to focus more on interrelationships. There may indeed be a hefty plot, but care will have been given as to how interactions are dealt with. There is more of an attempt to convey motivations beyond the superficial or archetypical. Is this a form of gender programming? Arguments could be made in either direction. Regardless, it does show a variation in thought however it came to be.

In terms of a sex blog, I don't think it occurs to the average man to ever start one. They may like sex as a frog loves moisture. They may have an agile mind and engaging opinions. They may have a lot to share with other people. It isn't going to cross their mind to create a journal or blog about it. They'll talk with friends. They'll consider writing an essay. If they're really wanting to commit their thoughts to text, they'll write a book. Sure, some do start a blog, but it's not a familiar tool for how most men seem to frame their thoughts.

Men tend to think in terms of identifying a problem and applying a solution. Women tend to think in terms of formulating the route to the solution(s). So where a woman will take some time in setting the scene and leading up their point with a firm foundation to draw from, most men will present their point and then add supports as deemed necessary. When discussing sex involving one or more people besides the writer, trying to back-fill from a stated assertion becomes both more complex and more simplistic. The attempt to keep from cluttering their account with extraneous detail in actuality edits out most of what they'd hoped to share. Starting a thought provoking discussion is all but impossible if anything not directly tied to the stated conclusion is not present. All that's left to do is critique his presentation of logical arguments to support his conclusion. Women tend to be more willing to keep more of the data and thus provide readers with the ability to weigh and interpret outside of the author's bias. I have several male friends who've gotten extremely frustrated attempting to write something erotic or sexually meaningful for others because they could not organize themselves adequately to the point where they abandoned the whole idea utterly. I do not think it improbable that similar moments are common occurrences in the male population.

On the whole, I do not believe the average male maintains a functional vocabulary as robust as the average female. They may have a formidable professional vocabulary, but outside of that arena, most of them prefer to communicate with an array of general words that will suffice for most occasions. Precision in terms in reserved for specific times and places. I think this leads to many aspiring male sex bloggers sounding like either aspiring ob/gyn interns or contributors to "x-rated letter" type magazines. This in turn kills their ambitions within the first few entries and then they delete the whole thing and pretend the whole sordid failure never happened. The average guy just does not have the verbal skills to do more than a demi-arsed attempt.

Furthermore, women are more conversant with that level of sharing and detail. Guys are infamous for locker-room tales, but other than crassly related who, with what, where, how many times, and how much she was loving it, there isn't much to really tell. It's amateur. Women, on the other hand, compare notes. They have the times down. They know all the relevant dimensions. They pay attention to the whole thing. There is nothing bound to make me blush harder than being in ear-shot of lovers, past or present, sharing experiences or observations of me sexually amongst themselves. Gods help me if they're attempting to "sell" a new lover on taking me to bed, they won't spare an iota of detail regarding what they consider my best features. I don't know any man who'd be that comfortable discussing a woman to another.

Another hypothesis is that the perception is that people want female sex bloggers. That few people want to read honestly introspective sexuality from a male perspective. No, the public wants the female sex blog. Women can relate, men find it sexy. I'd submit that most guys wouldn't see an audience for a male sex blogger outside the gay community. Bacchus and his fellows would be seen as outside the reach of the common man.

In any case, I think sex blogging will remain a heavily female dominated occupation.