Putting the "cuss" in customer.

Some nights it comes close to making me wonder if the pay-cheque is worth it. I recently had a group wander through that I most heartily wish had chosen another store to patronize. I would say it lessened all of humanity when I closed the sale for them, but I’m not going to raise my expectations for the sole utility of dropping it back into my cynical oubliette on their behalf. At most I may perhaps torment the pitiful creature that remains blinking in the unexpected glare; perhaps offer it the hope of a reprieve that will never come.

But you have not come to hear me twist words together in gruesome and disturbing coils of disillusionment. If you wanted dark maundering pap, you’d have Peter Murphy spiked to your wall hooked to an IV of absinthe and sodium pentothal.

This untidy assortment of consumers epitomized those qualities that I hate to see within the walls of my store. The men had voices that carried in a rough, slightly-greasy manner. The women wandered the floor as if committing every other patron to memory for recitation to a sketch artist. Immediately upon passing the door, they scattered through the store. Thrills a minute for the staff while they are investigating and sharing their discoveries and/or opinions with their buddies across the store.

A hirsute clump of lard a.k.a. "worldly manly man" in their party wanted to start a rental membership. Alas, his card would not pass verification. I was singularly unmoved by his loud pronouncement that he had “over six thousand dollars” in his account.

With his hopes of renting now gone for naught, he inquired as to how much buying his selected movie would be. Three guesses how he reacted to that information and the first two don’t count.

Once he’d collected his allotment of toy and budget DVDs, he regaled me with the purpose for his visit that night. It seemed he was looking to “surprise” a relative on their birthday.

Apparently, it is funny to spring an inflatable sex sheep as a piñata on someone. It’s all in good clean fun, especially when it’s related that they said to “never do that again.” So it must be topped the next year. Thus, they are planning to unload another variety of sex-doll, some non-subtle toys, and broadcast a porn movie at their relative’s place of work.

Fucking droll of them isn’t it. Just makes me want to beam with boundless bonhomie.

Words cannot express the depths of my contempt for people that would use sex in such a malicious manner. Their entire purpose is to embarrass and discomfit this person. This was not the purpose these products were created to fulfill. Had I known before I rang them up that they would be making me an unwilling accomplice to an immature and spiteful prank, I would have booted them.

Oh for the power to blot the stain of their existence from the face of the earth.