Take that fist and make them understand.

It's illegal to show in adult films in most states across the United States of America. It's popular in the kinky community. It's probably a lot more popular in people's sex lives than many folks would think at first blush.

It's fisting.

Although I am fortunate enough in my personal life to interact with people who take the time to research new techniques, I get more than my fair share of folks in the course of my work who give it no more time or care than they'd use to pack moist bread-crumbs up a dead fowl's hindquarters. These are usually people who will ingenuously reveal that their lover was interested in giving it a go and was less than impressed or way too tight to make it possible. Hmmm. Sure, it can't have anything to do with lack of skill on their part. Nope, they could give lessons to Don Juan.

I'm not going to sit here and tell you how to fist. Other people have done it in greater depth and thoroughness than I could commit to a blog entry. "A Hand in the Bush" by Deborah Addington is an excellent example. Though that particular book focuses on vaginal fisting, there are good resources for anal fisting out there as well. If your interests take you in that direction, I heartily recommend doing some research. Instead, I want to hit upon some mistakes people seem to make most often.

First of all, if you've ever watched or enjoyed a fisting movie, do not think take the technique presented as gospel. It's a movie. It's designed to convey an erotic ideal. You have no idea how much warm-up and practice the actors have had prior to shooting the scene. The better the quality of the movie, the less you're going to know how many times the scene was shot and spliced into the finished product. If you dive in with the same gusto shown on screen, odds are excellent someone is going to get hurt. And when the fistee recovers enough, they will want to share that special pain with the fister. Don't worry too much, the medical profession has taken great strides in reattaching body parts, you have a good chance at regaining full function afterward. Wouldn't make any plans about wild sex with your former partner however.

Next, you cannot use too much lube. You can very easily use too little however. Good rule of fist is to apply a generous portion of lube. Now add more. If you think you can glide an aircraft carrier through a garden hose with the volume you're using, it's a good start. Be ready to add more anyway, some nights it'll seem like their naughty bits are chugging fluids like an alcoholic doing a keg stand.

Assume it is going to be messy. You're using lots of lube. It's going to be juicy whichever orifice you are invading. If you have a lot of experience fisting your partner, you may be able to enjoy some minimizing of clean-up, but it's better to be prepared for a deluge than scrambling around afterward for supplies to mop up.

Fingernails are not your friend. Keep them short if possible. If not, latex or nitrile gloves with cotton-balls in the fingertips are probably your best bet. For the love of all that's wanton and squirmy, file, buff, or clip off any rough or sharp edges on your nails. It is not sexy to be pulling chunks of your lover's abdominal cavity from under your nails, let alone the bleeding internal lacerations that partner will no doubt be thanking you for.

You need to be patient. Do not rush the fisting. It will take as long as it takes. Hands and bits come in a range of sizes; you need to allow the recipient time to adjust. This is especially true for the bridge of the hand. If you can compress the diameter of your hand, you'll have an advantage when it comes to accommodation. Being able to almost match your wrist measurement makes you very popular in certain circles.

You need to be gentle. This does not mean you can't put some muscle behind it once the fist is all in. This means that just because you are now sunk to the wrist in your lover it does not mean you can suddenly jack-hammer your fist in and out like your arm is some phallus in a gaping video close-up. This is especially true if you're anally fisting, the tissues there are delicate.

Pay attention to what is going on. If you feel your hand starting to grind into the pubic arch, you need to be able to change the angle of approach. Unless it's their kink, making them feel like they're undergoing a doctor's exam tends to kill the mood fast. If you've managed to create a vacuum around your fist, don't just rip your hand free. It's not just incredibly uncomfortable for your lover, but if you prolapse them, your nookie privileges are going to be severely curtailed if not revoked universally. Furthermore, if you are engaging in deep anal fisting and you suddenly detect a particular earthy scent, that would be your one warning. Congratulations, you've hit "black gold" should your fun include that realm. Be prepared for some involved clean-up and probably a long shower.