Rubber the wrong way.

"Hey man, I need a jimmy."

A "jimmy"?! OMFG! I haven't heard that term for a condom in almost a decade. Next thing you'll know a stringy little Brit will wander in inquiring about purchasing a pessary. Swallowing back the urge to do a horrible Jimmy Cagney impression, I indicated his options for condoms.

"Will these work? I mean I'm nine inches man. I don't want to get anyone pregnant."

I think I've already gone on record about my contempt for the first question. Although you've implied quite strongly in your statement you will be engaging in vaginal intercourse with a biological female, I'm not gonna play those odds. If used correctly for their intended use, odds are good that they will indeed work. But perhaps you want condoms to use as balloons, smuggle contraband, or are just a good ol' fashioned idiot.

Nine inches hunh? Congratulations. Who are you trying to impress? I'm straight and my interest in cocks begins and ends with my own. You certainly weren't helping me to recommend a brand for you. Ya see, it isn't the length that really affects condom fitting. It's the diameter. Every condom is going to unroll to close to seven inches give or take. Even an extra-large is only going to afford you about another inch and a half.

Since you didn't respond to the mention of the larger size brands we have in stock, I'm thinking you're about usual diameter. Why? Because guys who are thick prefer not to fit themselves with tourniquet-like sheaths and/or risk having the condom burst. Just because you can fit any latex condom over your forearm, probably even your head, doesn't make it comfortable. They're not going to just grab any condom except in emergency.

Regardless, I don't want you getting anyone pregnant either. Give me a moment to grab my soldering iron and we'll make sure that's never a concern again.