Thursday, June 08, 2006

I *don't* have to give you any credit.

So I have this guy come into the store. I know, big deal, doesn't that happen all the time? Yeah, it does, but hold on for a bit, I'm going somewhere with this.

Anyway, this slack-jawed model of middle-class Americana entered my store. He spend several minutes browsing the smoking supplies, before asking if I would show him a few pieces he was interested in. After bouncing between three cases and answering questions that simple observation should have made irrelevant, we made our way to the counter to ring up his purchases.

He tossed his credit card on the counter. “Amelia Peters.” I begin to suspect we have an issue. Unconfirmed however, so I ask for photo ID to back up the card. “Maynard Peters.” Well so much for the "boy named Sue" theory.

Upon being told I couldn’t run the card without the cardholder being present, he decided to flex his razor-sharp persuasive skills.

“It’s my mom’s card.”

Entirely possible. It’s still not you.

“You can’t run it, even though the last names are the same?”

Nope. Because there is nothing that shows me you have the authorization to use the card. And frankly, it’s not an uncommon last name. It would be like going to Peking and trying to prove familial relations off the basis of the shared surname Chen.

“I use it all the time.”

Not my concern. No way for me to confirm or deny your claim.

“I’ve used it at other stores.”

Goodie for you. I couldn’t care less what you’ve gotten away with at other stores. You aren’t going to do it here.

He then changed tack to ask me why I couldn’t or wouldn’t run the card as if my statement that I required the cardholder to be here to authorize the sale was not complete of itself. It’s so cute that they think there is some loophole they can exploit to get their way. Any cuter and he’d find himself in a burlap bag weighted down with bricks exploring the sediment of a local river.

He left attempting to goad me with a pseudo-wistful, “You could’ve had about a hundred dollar sale…”

Gee, because people that steal credit cards never want to ring up large sales. And children have never been known to borrow their parent’s credit cards without permission. And if it honestly is your mother’s card, she’s not going to have a problem in the least with buying her son a waterpipe and bowl for one of his friends. Oh alas, alack, what a fool I have been. Allow me to beat my breast with nettles and don a hair shirt. I’ll be happy to run your credit card no questions asked right away, bless you for being so thoughtful and clear-headed.

You aren’t a sale; you’re a brain-less fucking liability.

2 Comments:

Blogger Merripan said...

*snicker* I know that feeling... I ended up getting pissy with my own job when they decided to change our authorization procedure so that we no longer had to verify 3rd party cc purchases. STUPID, STUPID, STUPID. This is exactly the reason why...
Oh, and Fred says you rock, by the way... :-)

~M

8:53 AM  
Blogger Lanius said...

People rarely take the time to think and then scream "victim" if someone capitalizes on their laziness. The last thing I want to deal with is the store eatting the cost of a fraudulent sale.

Tell Fred I aim to please... or was that the spleen. Either way, it's a warm feeling.

3:04 PM  

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