I'm already visualizing the duct-tape over your mouth.

So a corn-fed representative of modern masculinity wandered into my store with his girlfriend trailing sedately on his heels. After squinting into a few cases, he decides he must acquire assistance.

Thus I enter the scene.

He is interested in a few products we carry that are not sexually related. He has heard we carry some nice glassware. He knew a few terms, some of which I had to correct him upon a couple times when he attempted to use them. Bandying about words of which he had only the haziest of comprehension about what they meant. He possessed that singular lack of comprehension that is increasing in society at large that leads me to think he is amazed daily that objects actually stick to the floor as if some unseen force was being exerted upon them.

So I had to explain a couple times how air can be drawn through a liquid to cool and/or filter it. I had to point out the ever so subtle features that denote a product with two such chambers. I swear to you, I could hear the hamster breaking out the WD-40 to get that wheel turning again.

Eventually, with a great deal of quiet coaching from his girlfriend, he made his decision.

My heart leapt for joy.

At the counter, he suddenly blurts out, "Hey? Do you guys rent movies?" as if I had been cannily hiding information he had teased out with deductive reasoning that would make Sherlock Holmes weep with awe.

"Yes we do." One would think the presence of many shelves spread out over most of the store would hint that rentals were a strong probability. However, it's a fair enough question.

"Do you have DVDs?"

At which point I was praying I would manifest psychokinetic abilities twisting his vas deferens into intricate monkey-fist knots before he managed to somehow transmit sperm to ova. "Why yes we do." Ninety percent of the videos we have are DVD format. Failing to ken that detail takes real talent.

"Bet you have to have a credit card to rent."

I'm shocked. Stunned. His question was not wondering where the DVDs might be. "Sadly yes, you need a credit card to rent."

"What about cheques? Will a cheque number work?"

"Nope. Have to have a card." What a tragic turn of events it is that has slurred the definition of "need" into "an option."

Where is ruthless selection pressure when we need it? Darwin would weep.