Too bad I can't sell you a clue.
I came to the conclusion a couple years ago that when it comes to buying sexual toys for their girlfriends, men couldn't find a clue in the middle of a clue field, during clue mating season, covered in clue-musk. It's like watching a crippled penguin trying to run the gauntlet of leopard seal patrolled surf in the forlorn hope of reaching the beach safely. You know it can't end well, but you can't help but watch in horrified fascination.
The first mistake they usually make is making size assumptions. It never ceases to amaze me how many men will discount a toy out of hand because it is "too small" or "too large." Unless she has specifically given instructions about how large she finds comfortable, their boyfriends drag their own preconceptions into the process. You can always tell the ones that have been given instructions because they will tell me flat out when looking for assistance.
There is little that is more pathetic than a man who insists upon competing with a toy. Ostensibly, they have a sexual partner. The odds are quite good that the other person is quite happy with the penis in question otherwise they would NOT be continuing a sexual relationship. If he is so in peril of losing his vagina privileges to a formed bit of rubber and plastic, there are some serious cracks in the relationship. Nonetheless, I watch man after man scouring the shelves to find something smaller or somehow "less" than what they are probably packing. They will ask me what is popular and when shown will reply, "Oh well, that is way much for her. She's really tight/tiny/delicate/prim. She couldn't handle that." Funny how often men say that when so few women express similar views buying their own toys.
The other side of that coin is how often they will discount something as not being enough. It could be the most powerful egg on the market, capable of generating an 8.4 on the Richter scale when strapped to a building, but if it's smaller than a couple inches around, it won't be good enough. No they look for the mythical "perfect toy" that is powerful, impressive, and yet just a little smaller than they are.
The other mistake is to be totally focused on penetration. Granted, it is generally hard-wired into the male psyche that sex = putting something in the hole. Its how the genitals are crafted thus it lays outside the ken of most guys to consider any other variations of what feels good sexually. Consequently, when these men wander in with the intention of buying a toy for their precious sugar-crotch, they have it etched into their mind that they are buying a dildo, either powered or non. A good proportion of women do not orgasm from penetration. These women are not going to be terribly impressed by a toy designed to stimulate them internal to the vagina. Many vibrators in fact are designed with external use in mind. Made to target the clitoral area. And yet, the majority of men will completely overlook this option regardless of what the friendly and knowledgeable clerk might say.
Those rare individuals who do possess a clue are great. They ask cogent questions, know what they seek, and often return thanking us for helping them find a winner.
The rest of them need to just hand over their wallets to their girlfriends and wait quietly in the car because no one is going to know what trips her trigger like she will. Trust me, you will just fuck it up for her. Now shut up and don't touch the stereo.
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