Naked Asylum?
Apparently there is a giant statue of a robe-clad woman holding a vibrator aloft while clutching a skin mag to her ample bosom standing over my store that I cannot see. There has to be. Otherwise, so many morons would not be so determined to continue walking in the front door.
Somehow, I have been unwittingly working in a mecca of adult relaxation.
Just last night, a guy I have banished from the premises attempted to stage his triumphant return. He was balked and handily rebuffed in his delusional plans.
All of which kicked to the fore of my brain a curiosity as to why so many people that have been instructed to quit our threshhold ne'er to return have attempted to reverse the decree. They just keep trying to come back.
For example, several months ago a guy I'll call "Zippy" caught our attention. Obviously MENSA material, he was discovered shooting smack in our restroom. We took him by surprise. Someone would have to be psychic to know he was up to something naughty since he had only been in there for about forty-five minutes after all. Right. Thinking quickly, Zippy then attempted to dispose of his rig by flushing it all down the toilet. It clogged. Rage level rose. We took a lovely portrait of him suitable for framing. He was perplexed as to what he might have done to be photographed and told he was no longer welcome on the premises. Moments after he left the store, it came to our attention he was rummaging through people's cars parked in the lot. Needless to say, his night became much more intimate with that of the local police department. A week ago, who should wander back into the store but Zippy. Even better, he wanted to use our restroom. You would think that with the hassle arising from his last visit that he'd know he wasn't welcome here. Nope.
Another guy, Bobo, was a real winner too. He's come in several times in the last few months since being told he was 86ed. Who'd have thought we would be upset with him smoking pot in the arcade. There's no smoking allowed in the building in the first place, even if it wasn't an illegal drug! But we're persecuting him. We're picking on him. He has a right to be here even though the store is private property. He's told us several times.
My last example is a dewy-eyed flower of femininity, Trixie. She'd been a regular off and on for over a year. Sadly, nitroglycerin is more stable than her. As a result, she's just not welcome here anymore. She's been back several times raging about how it is a personal grudge against her, sobbing inconsolably, and/or trying to cut a deal because she "needs this place."
And that's only a small sampling.
Why are these people so focused upon this store? You can't unroll a condom in this city without hitting another porn store. Someday I shall find out why the idiots must return like swallows to Capistrano
Somehow, I have been unwittingly working in a mecca of adult relaxation.
Just last night, a guy I have banished from the premises attempted to stage his triumphant return. He was balked and handily rebuffed in his delusional plans.
All of which kicked to the fore of my brain a curiosity as to why so many people that have been instructed to quit our threshhold ne'er to return have attempted to reverse the decree. They just keep trying to come back.
For example, several months ago a guy I'll call "Zippy" caught our attention. Obviously MENSA material, he was discovered shooting smack in our restroom. We took him by surprise. Someone would have to be psychic to know he was up to something naughty since he had only been in there for about forty-five minutes after all. Right. Thinking quickly, Zippy then attempted to dispose of his rig by flushing it all down the toilet. It clogged. Rage level rose. We took a lovely portrait of him suitable for framing. He was perplexed as to what he might have done to be photographed and told he was no longer welcome on the premises. Moments after he left the store, it came to our attention he was rummaging through people's cars parked in the lot. Needless to say, his night became much more intimate with that of the local police department. A week ago, who should wander back into the store but Zippy. Even better, he wanted to use our restroom. You would think that with the hassle arising from his last visit that he'd know he wasn't welcome here. Nope.
Another guy, Bobo, was a real winner too. He's come in several times in the last few months since being told he was 86ed. Who'd have thought we would be upset with him smoking pot in the arcade. There's no smoking allowed in the building in the first place, even if it wasn't an illegal drug! But we're persecuting him. We're picking on him. He has a right to be here even though the store is private property. He's told us several times.
My last example is a dewy-eyed flower of femininity, Trixie. She'd been a regular off and on for over a year. Sadly, nitroglycerin is more stable than her. As a result, she's just not welcome here anymore. She's been back several times raging about how it is a personal grudge against her, sobbing inconsolably, and/or trying to cut a deal because she "needs this place."
And that's only a small sampling.
Why are these people so focused upon this store? You can't unroll a condom in this city without hitting another porn store. Someday I shall find out why the idiots must return like swallows to Capistrano
posted by Lanius at 9:39 PM
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