Fun with porn titles

I can't help but find my attention grabbed by the occasional movie box. To the probable dismay of the leches in the audience, it has never been because I was too overcome with lust to tear my eyes away from the glossy picture. Alas, at this point I am more aware of theme and composition of the cover than who is on it. Thus sometimes a bit of "flavor text" will come leaping to the fore when it pokes a toe beyond the usual "slut-sloppy-whore-etc" crap.

So my brain came to a screeching, cog-wheels-and-springs-flying-everywhere, "Oh the humanity!" derailment when my eyes spied this:

"Fuck that shit like it's hot!"

There was no discernible pause in my brain as far as I was able to determine. There was that split second of the words automatically parsing into my semiconscious and then in the lush backdrop of my imagination I was treated to a show.

"Oh fuck! Oh god!!!" *Anguished keening and sobs* "My cock is burning off! Ow ow ow! Make it stop, dearfuckinggodsKILLME!" *Bacon sizzling sounds counterpointed by inarticulate howls of agony*

/FLASH/

"Dude, I've heard of really loving your shit, but that's above and beyond."

/FLASH/

Two people in full radiation suits going at it and completely voiding the warranties of their Geiger counters.

/FLASH/

"Don't worry about it babe, I've got something much better than the 'pull out' method. Ever hear of the 'fallout' method?"

/FLASH/

"Why settle with a simple 'sword-fight' in the locker room when you can have a lightsaber-fight."


Yeah, I have a hard time suppressing the laughter when I pass that movie on the shelves. Gods help me if I happen to be the one to rent or sell it to a customer, they'll probably think I'm suffering a stroke.