New to this whole walking-upright and thinking thing are we?

It's turned into a special bonus entry Friday. Read on and marvel at the awesomeness of my customers.

"You movies what price?"

Nothing is more helpful than attempting to talk to someone with a heavy Latino accent. I can only speak enough Spanish to get drunk, find a bathroom, and incite a severe personal beating. I attempt my best diction and speak simply. Every movie is marked. I indicated the sign behind me. Rental prices are there.

Apparently, I was too complex.

"What price for movie?"

All movies have price-tags.

"You able look up price in computer?"

Yes, yes I am. However, I would sooner smuggle hedgehogs in my urethra than run down the cost of every movie we have in the entire store. Yes.

"What price?"

I'm asking myself that very question. I'm going to kill you. I swear I am going to feed you through a mangle so you look like a tube of sausage being squirted out of the plastic wrapper. This isn't a language issue, it's wanting to be spoon-fed information so you don't have to exert any effort acquiring your preferred entertainment. So I come around the counter, plucking up a movie at random off the shelves, pointing obviously at the price-sticker. They're all marked.

"Oh."

He wanders off, comes back a few minutes later with a stack of movies. I start ringing him up. I give him the price. He hands me his credit card and ID. I am in the midst of starting to run the card when he asks me a question.

"They not [insert sale price]?"

Shiva's tap shoes! It took that long for the termites to hit the heartwood?! I was hardly rushing through the transaction just so I could avoid the situation he'd only narrowly averted. No sir, this one is another price. You need three of the one type to get that price.

"Can I put back, get new?"

Sure. It's not like you wouldn't decide not to buy anything after all and leave if I told you no. Not that I am not dearly looking forward to being quit of you. Perhaps this time you will take the time to make sure the movie in your hand matches the signs conveniently located in that section advertising that particular deal.

The gods were merciful and he came back with a qualifying video.

He's rung up, out the door, and heavens have mercy upon his soul if he comes back looking for an exchange. I shall have none.